Just Call Me Mrs. Claus

I’ve been Christmasing for about 764 hours straight now. It’s the season of yes apparently. When you see me with green hair and red lipstick, don’t be alarmed, I haven’t gone full Joker; I’m just in the Christmas spirit.

Does your church group need 49 pairs of Christmas socks? Sure, we only have one store in the town and UPS thinks we live at every neighbor’s house but our own, but yeah, I’ll round up 50 pairs just because I’m awesome.

Kids want to make gingerbread houses. You got it AND I’m going to wake up at 4:15 to make homemade gingerbread just for the occasion.

School parties? I’ll be there with Minute to Win It games, cookies made from scratch using my great grandma’s recipe, and I’ll be looking fly in some kind of themed outfit too. Who cares if I have my traditional Christmas cold? Don’t worry, I only licked the spoon a few times when I was whipping up those dozens of cookies.

Homemade consumable teacher gifts? Yep, made those too because God forbid I just buy a gift card like they’d really like. The world needs to know how great I am at giving. I’m just so thoughtful and conscientious. Plus I have to upload the photos of my fantastic gifts to Pinterest so some other moms can try to be like me next year.

Sure, I’d love to give my kids experiences instead of gifts but there I was at Target loading the cart like a contestant on a game show. You know the old one where they give people a shopping cart and a countdown and the people are in a full sprint to load that sucker up. Because kids just have to have something to open on Christmas morning right?

And speaking on gift wrap, I took a calligraphy course right after Thanksgiving so I could hand letter beautiful name tags. Then I bought fresh rosemary to adorn my velvet ribbon on each gift. Three little boys. That’s who I’m wrapping gifts for and I literally spent hours gift wrapping just for it all to be shredded and thrown in one of those black garbage bags (I’m sure I’ll be the one to do all the picking up too)

Today one of my kid’s schools is having a luncheon for the staff and I volunteered to bring a dessert. Of course I did because I have no boundaries and my time management sucks. The cake I brought might be delicious. Who knows? I decided to try a brand new recipe. (Rookie mistake) The cake decorating brought me to my knees laughing. This cake is the kind of cake you’d make if it’s 1963 and shredded coconut is having its debut year in the grocery stores. It’s a vintage cake. PRE-PINTEREST ok?

Can we go back to a Pinterest free holiday? Gals, I’m struggling to keep up. This holiday season is a giant, heavy ass wreath around my neck, weighing me down with obligation and expectation and SO MANY SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. I’ve brushed my teeth consistently for about 29 years and now I’m running around spreading Christmas cheer with bedhead and fuzzy teeth.

I want to enjoy this time of year. My little boys won’t be little for long. We all know how quickly the time slips away. How short the season of magic will be in their lives. (Although they’re male so Christmas might be magical for them forever 🙄) It’s such a precious time and their Grinch mother is too busy competing to be Miss Christmas USA to savor it. So that’s it. After today (because today I’m super busy and fully committed) I’m going to put down the Pinterest, buy all the gift cards, pick out kid themed wrapping paper, pick up store bought cookies, (yeah right, that’s taking it a little far) and kick back and sleep through a Christmas movie on the couch with my little crew. We’re going to enjoy the tinsel outta Christmas.